Well just like the title portrays, that is how I feel. How long does someone need to suffer before God will reveal his goodness in their brokenness? That is the question I have been asking myself for about a week. Every day it feels like the bottom has been reached but I wake up the next morning to find another low. I submit myself to His Will time and time again and he gives me peace. But then in my foolishness I take my will right back into my own hands. I am broken before God. And yet it seems He breaks me still even in my brokenness. And boy does it hurt. To be broken before God is incredibly painful. Please. Please end it soon Lord. Bring me peace in you and turn my ashes into beauty.
I am trying to praise Him in the hurricane that is my life at present, but I can't seem to. My mind turns to the past and it's difficult for me to feel His forgiveness. But even in my pitiful humanly doubt, I praise Him for His forgiveness for the mistakes that I have made in the past. I may not feel His love and peace with where He has me right now, but I know that He is by my side. He feels miles away from me, but in fact, He has been here the whole time.
I am broken before God and yet still breaking. When will the healing begin? I trust you Lord, even in my despair, I trust you.
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