Holloween Illustration. ZOMBIE APPLE!!

Camera: Canon EOS 20D
Shutter: 1/50 s
Aperture: f/5.6
Exposure Setting: Manual
ISO: 800
Strobe Flash: Did Not Fire
Lens Focal Length: 64.0 mm
White Balance: Cloudy

Relief

It's early so forgive me if my thoughts are not super cohesive. :/

Well he did it. God humbled me. Again.

But I guess this one was different because for once it wasn't painful, and instead I was filled with relief and was THANKING God for humbling me.

While I was dating Sam, I used to think that I was SO ready to get married... Why? I don't know. I guess I just really enjoyed her companionship and was ready to skip these single years of my life for her friendship for the rest of my life. I wanted marriage so badly that I was blinded to what that actually entailed. I still don't know what all it involves, but thankfully God revealed to me that I am nowhere NEAR being ready. He left me asking myself, "What in the WORLD possessed me to think that I was ready to be the leader in a relationship?" I specifically remember thinking 6 months ago that If I could have married her then I would have. Now I thank God that he didn't let me. I wasn't ready. She wasn't ready. And the worst part is NEITHER of us could admit it. Totally ignoring what God would have wanted for our lives, we were pursuing something we wanted and THOUGHT we could handle. No. Way.

So instead of mourning the seemingly broken relationship with my best friend of two years, I can praise God and rejoice because I somehow found the courage to turn away from something I wanted SO badly to obey God. It was not easy; probably the hardest thing that I have ever done by far. I was only able to do it because of the courage that came from HIM.

Only God knows what things he has in store for you. It may be hard sometimes but you can follow his plan... or you can continue with what you think is best for you. But all you have to do is listen for His voice and respond. It may be hard, but God says "'For I know the plans I have for you!' Declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11

His plan will prosper us. Not in the worldly sense, but in his eternal sense. If we listen to his voice, our relationship with HIM will prosper. Our joy in HIM will prosper. Our love for everyone will prosper. Our love for Christ, will prosper.

Up... And Down.

Weird. I wish some confidence in the decisions I have made would last. I mean... Every time I become worried about anything I lay it down at the cross and trust Christ. However it always seems like the ease at which I can give it to Christ varies. 

Take last week. I was so confident that Christ was guiding me in the direction that he wanted. Every time I thought about my past and worried about the direction of my life it was so easy to lay it down and give it to Christ. So easy! I just felt like God was using a magnet walking along beside me holding it above me pulling up every doubt and every fear that entered my mind! And I felt His presence with me feeding me confidence that can ONLY come from him!

Well...

Why does that kind of confidence seem to waver so easily? 

It's almost felt like I have had to force it away from me. Almost like these thoughts would pop into my heart/mind and when I give it to God these thought are like gripping my heart and I am dragging them ever so slowly out of my heart to give them to God. I have to FORCE them. It is not a fun process. Kind of painful and VERY annoying.

 The thing is... I know God is good. I know that He is going to continue teaching me. I know (regardless of how I may be feeling at the moment) that God is always with me. So why does it feel so difficult sometimes? My only explanation is this - Because I am human. And as a human we need to be reminded that we need God not only in the big decisions of our life, but every day. Every minute. But the cool thing is no matter how we are feeling or whether we think He is close or not, He is always with us ready to guide us in life. All we have to do is listen.

And the best part is, God reveals His glory out of the ashes in our life! That is what we are here for anyways! His Glory. And THAT is why we can praise Him in all things. Because God reveals Himself when we trust him in the darkest times of our life.

So praise be to God!

"Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits-

Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion

who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed

he made known his ways to Moses his deeds to the people of Isreal:

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse nor will he harbor his anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him"

Psalm 103: 1-11